Catch up with all our Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

Tired of the old “big hair, big boobs, big cars, big everything” stereotype that plagues Dallas? Guess what? Bravo doesn’t care. Even they have given up on Most Eligible Dallas. Although the time and energy they’ve devoted to the series up to now has been minimal at best, they’ve decided even that is too much. And so the name of the seventh episode of this excruciating series is the trite “Everything’s Bigger ..read more

Keep up with all the latest Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

Bravo calls this week’s episode of Most Eligible Dallas, “Friendly as Fire Ants.” Nice try. We know the truth. It’s “See You Next Tuesday (Or Thursday if That’s More Convenient).” I obviously spelled it out because I don’t want to get fired, but yeah. Drew drops the “c” bomb. Tara cleans up poop. Matt fights Melinda Gates for the “Biggest Philanthropist” award. Let’s just get this over with.

This is, like, major. ..read more

Keep up with all the latest Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

After a week of respite, Most Eligible Dallas is back, and I’m sorry to report that the gang is up to their same old tricks. Is it too much to ask for Bravo to use some of the editors from the Real Housewives franchise? We need a team who knows how reality television works, because this show is an affront. It’s boring. There’s no real conflict. There’s no sex. There’s no humor. ..read more

Keep up with all the latest Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

Did you know that 90 percent of the Texas population carries a handgun? According to noted statistician (and lover of pink and crystals—but never both at the same time!) Tara Harper, it’s a scientific fact. Perhaps the plethora of armed and dangerous (and eligible) folks inspired Bravo to call this episode of Most Eligible Dallas “Make Love Not War.” Who can say? All I know is they are once again wrong. This particular chapter of the greatest story ever told should be called “Charity Cases.” Last week, the gang took time away from the gun range and took part in a charity auction. This week, the gang actually participated in some legitimate philanthropy. Tara threw a party for Paws in the City to raise money to save and care for abandoned and abused animals. Nothing funny about animals in need. And Drew is very involved with DIFFA—a charity notable for its efforts to care for those living with HIV/AIDS, as well as AIDS prevention. No laughs there. So maybe check out those organizations—write a check if you so feel moved—and let’s catalog the more laughable almsgiving from the episode, shall we?

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Keep up with all the latest Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

Bravo bestowed the title “When Pigs Fly” on the third episode of the grand masterpiece that is Most Eligible Dallas. I have taken the liberty to rechristen it “Tired, Old Things” because it’s full of tired, old things. As we chronicle the happenings of the most eligible people in Dallas—surely, all the world—let’s do so by cataloging all the old leftovers we got served.

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Keep up with all the latest Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

Is your life perfect? Does it just get better every year? Is it like this slope, like, that you’ve just climbed? Never had any major downturns? Right on! Then you, like our hero Matt, are ready to recap the second installment of Most Eligible Dallas.

Bravo called  last night’s episode “Take the Bull by the Horns.” Bravo is wrong. It should have been called “Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places.” Because, aside from eating meals and debating the evils of single motherhood, this week, the gang seeks romance. Drew employs a matchmaker. Tara takes a chance on an old friend. Glenn looks at soft-porn. Courtney pursues an ill-advised love affair with the word “literally.” So love is in the air.

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Keep up with all the latest Most Eligible Dallas recaps here.

Last night, I headed over to Highland Park Village for the premiere of Most Eligible Dallas. If I had any doubts about being underdressed as I walked to the theater, they were confirmed immediately by the young woman holding the clipboard. “Are you here to see Cowboys and Aliens?” she asked.

Once it was established that, old jeans or no, I was in the right place, I was able to gain entry, greedily drink some sparkling wine,  and check out the show with a bunch of very dressed-up people. And now I can share my recap with you. Jump if you care. Check out pictures of people who were there, if you don’t.

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