This show is just one train wreck barreling toward disaster. On last night’s episode, Man-boy Jason has it out with 20-something-year-old Tyler, and Leslie’s got a big announcement (and nothing to show for it).
The episode opens with Leslie and Kalyn having pillow talk at the Verona. Kalyn is still scarred from Terry’s shenanigans, but Leslie tells her to give her long lost mother a chance and try to find one redeeming quality.
“I’m not saying she’s going to win some mother of the year award,” Leslie says.
I think we can all agree on that.
Over at Dr. A’s office, Deayanni takes Shaye to get some Botox. Because isn’t that what most mother-daughter duos do on a Saturday afternoon? Sigh.
Always one to build her daughter up, Deayanni thinks Shaye (who is the ripe age of 15) needs some work done.
“She has these railroad tracks on her forehead that I think are unsightly,” Deayanni says.
So maternal, isn’t she? How has Deyanni not had her parenting license revoked?
Dr. A isn’t going for this and tells Shaye to start using sunscreen and moisturizers and come back in five years. (Way to show some restraint doc. Waiting ‘til she’s 20 makes it totally okay.)
But Deayanni isn’t happy.
“Maybe we’ll just buy a big ole’ visor to cover those wrinkles on your forehead,” she lovingly tells her daughter.
Meanwhile, the ladies meet at the club for some Zumba. Nikki is hung over (shocker) and Bonnie marches in decked out in Shirley Temple ringlets so we know she’s here to workout. The ladies dish out the gossip about Cindy, but she doesn’t seem fazed. She’s too busy doing her Richard Simmons-esque shimmies solo in the corner. Leslie walks in bearing some big news.
“Rip wants to marry me,” she beams.
She doesn’t have a ring to show for it, but Leslie assures us this is part of his grand plan and no, it’s not just a figment of her imagination.
“He’s the kind of guy that will let me pick out anything I want,” she says.
He’s never around and gets her whatever she wants? I take back all my mocking. This girl has it figured out.
But keep in mind that no one has actually set eyes on this mysterious maybe-fiancé/man that may or may not exist. I feel like we have been one long game of Where’s Waldo, but in this case, Waldo drives a Bentley.
Over at the make-up store, the girls meet up to try on some products. Shaye points out her mom’s parenting skills (yes to Botox, no to boys). But Shaye has her own agenda in mind. She has a new boy friend, Tatum, and she plans to keep him far from her mother’s fist.
On the other side of town, Connie takes Leslie and Bonnie to her go-to jewelry store. Free champagne all around (even for the owner. Smart guy…he’ll need it to deal with these ladies). Leslie and Connie look at rings that are “pretty and simple.” You know, the pretty and simple ones that are the size of a Clementine. Nothing is decided upon (hey ladies- this isn’t dress up) and the owner seems a little peeved when he realizes the man with the plastic isn’t in the vicinity.
Then Leslie takes Kalyn, Terry, and a client to get a make-up consultation for an upcoming pageant. Terry hasn’t been in the salon for five minutes before she starts throwing out all of the titles she has racked up in the past year. She is the “National Route 66 Ambassador” after all. What will she be crowned next? “Lovers Lane Diplomat?”
That night, Cindy and Leslie meet for dinner, and Cindy has a plan.
“I want to try and get Leslie drunk so I can talk her out of this marriage,” she tells us.
In true Cindy fashion, she’s ordered a round of shots before the hostess seats them. Leslie didn’t come prepared.
“I didn’t know we’d be pounding shots like sailors,” she giggles.
Really, Leslie? This is Cindy we are talking about. What did you think you’d be doing? Leslie has a little too much to drink and shies away from the camera, but Cindy is there to comfort her.
“I’m always drunk so what are you embarrassed about?” she says.
Cindy reminds us that she’s been engaged five times to three different guys (winner), but she thinks it’s ridiculous that a woman their age would get married if they wouldn’t have children.
Leslie’s reason? Love.
Cindy’s reaction? Snarky comment followed by a gagging motion. True friendship at its finest.
Meanwhile, Whit is giving male facials to Jason and Booger for esthetician school. As she brushes a clay mask on her father’s face she brings up that Tyler called her a b*tch, and Jason is none too happy. He has a little freak out and wants the world to know he will not put up with disrespect.
“If there’s one thing that upsets Jason, it’s when a man disrespects a woman,” Bonnie says.
That’s so admirable of you, Jason. How did you feel when your daughter disrespected ALL women with that C U Next Tuesday tat on her foot?
It’s party time. All 12 of Leslie’s friends gather for her secret engagement party, excited at the prospect of meeting her man. Cindy starts off the party and kisses Jason on the cheek, but then scoffs when Bonnie seems upset.
“That’s old news,” she says when they bring up the barbeque. Besides, she’s over Jason and onto fresher meat. She only has eyes for Tyler now. Leslie walks into her surprise party, and Rip is nowhere to be seen. His plane had “engine problems” so he isn’t going to be able to make it.
So just to recap: she is engaged, but without a ring and groom-to-be.
Over by the bar, Cindy corners Tyler and asks about his girlfriends and tells him how cute he is. As if her crossed eyes don’t give her away, she assures Tyler that she’s only had nine drinks and four shots. Isn’t that like her version of a happy hour? Time to pick up the pace. She then makes females worldwide cringe and she asks Tyler to leave with her and go make out.
The best part?
Tyler is completely weirded out and makes no effort to hide it.
All of a sudden Jason and his chain appear from thin air and yell some empty threats. Jason wants to knock Tyler out and “bust him up,” but who is he kidding? It’s all talk. Tyler retreats with his mom and Cindy turns her attention back on Jason, rubbing and hugging him.
Wouldn’t it be great if it turned out the two “men” were fighting over Cindy? That might be a show worth watching. Then we could all rally for Bonnie to be the next Bachelorette. This is TV gold in the making here folks.
Ok, who wants to take bets on Rip? Does he exist? If he does, is he married? I am getting antsy here.
Next week: The ladies go to the Big Easy and Booger asks for Whit’s hand in marriage. Bourbon Street and a Booger on one knee? This show just got my attention.