Last night’s episode of Big Rich Texas had a notable lack of physical violence, but that doesn’t mean the ladies went light on the drama. Let’s dive right in.
Episode three opens with Kalyn, Tyler, Maddie, and Kalyn’s work friend, Terry, sitting around the club’s pool. Kalyn lets us know that her new job on the farm gives her more than just a paycheck.
“One of my perks of work is on my days off I get to bring the hot boys to the country club,” she brags.
Sorry Kalyn, but I don’t think pool dates with cute guys make up for the fact that you are a paid pooper-scooper.
Whitney, Alex, and Nikki show up and bring the petty drama… hard to believe, right? Whit starts poking fun at Kalyn for her pageant escapades (um, Whit, didn’t you do the same pageants?) and then leaves the pageant fun in the dirt and goes straight for the jugular.
“How much do you charge?” she taunts. Kalyn has had enough fun in the sun and retreats with her men, and Whitney yells “Bye skank!” across the pool as she slinks off. Oh that Whitney, always one to keep it classy at the club.
Next we find ourselves listening to details of Dee’s new business, Texas Diva Remodeling and Construction. Nothing screams a serious business plan like “diva” on a business card. At least she embraces it.
“I have my own subs that do what I tell them to do…I boss men around all day long”- she boasts.
Down tiger. It sounds like someone has been reading a little too much Fifty Shades of Grey. Dee then tells the girls that they went through a rough financial patch a few years back (finally a “reality” aspect to this reality show) and lets us know just how serious she is taking her new venture.
“I need this company to do well for my family to see what a good role model I am to them,” she explains.
Oh yeah, she really proved that point last week with that karate move to her daughter’s face.
Over on the Woodhaven Country Club lawn, Dee is throwing an English themed High Tea to welcome new club members.
Bonnie’s pink furry hat looks like something I used to try to win in the claw machine in the movie theater lobby, and don’t even get me started on what Dee has on her head. It looks like she grabbed her neighbors’ satellite and dipped it in pink frosting.
The party has just started when Cindy pulls out a flask and gives her tea a little something extra. Seriously, can this girl go without a cocktail for five minutes? Never ones to miss a party, Bonnie and Leslie join in on the fun.
“Anybody who has a pink blinged out flask is okay in my book,” Bonnie says. She actually has a point. How else are we supposed to make it through Dee’s parties?
We find out Cindy has bought 30 pairs of shoes this week, and the world stops spinning for a moment when she drops the bombshell that some of her friends have jobs. The horror!
“I know some people have careers, I actually have some friends that have careers,” she says.
Careers? What an original concept!
Over in the other corner, Melissa confronts Dee about her outburst at the crab boil, but Dee reassures her that her parenting is right on track.
“I’m not gonna beat her but I’m going to man handle her a little bit,” she tells Melissa. Oh great, man handling makes us all feel totally comfortable with that mother-daughter showdown.
The ladies ditch their hats for racquets and we are now on the tennis courts with Bonnie and Melissa playing a doubles match against the fluorescent clad Cindy and Leslie. Don’t they know the point is to hit the tennis ball, not look like one?
Cindy invites the gals to a birthday party she is throwing for a dog, but Melissa lets her know she won’t be attending and puts into words what we are all thinking.
“Why can’t I go to a dog party? Because it’s a dog party,” she says.
Elsewhere, Kalyn makes a really mature move and shows up to Booger’s shop to get Whit stirred up.
“Payback is a bitch, Whitney is too”- she says from the couch. Booger is less than hospitable and has to pick his chin up off the floor when Kalyn tells him she wants a piercing…down there. Ew.
Next we find ourselves at Cindy’s house for the annual dog birthday. In a completely uncalled for move, Bonnie has the nerve to bring a BIG dog to a little dogs’ birthday party. Everyone knows that’s just something you don’t do. Cindy banishes Bonnie, dressed as a cat, and the dog to the back porch to think about her actions while the party rages on inside, piñata and all. Bonnie is obviously pretty bummed.
“Who’s ever heard of a little dog only party?” she says.
Little dog party? Who’s ever heard of a dog birthday party in general? These ladies have too much time on their hands. Time to go get another round of Botox or something.
Out back, Bonnie tells Leslie she questions Cindy’s motives, but Leslie stands up for her new friend.
“I don’t even know if she thinks that deeply,” Leslie says.
I think that’s about the most intelligent thing I have heard Leslie say all season.
Back over at Rip’s place, Dee and Leslie are meeting about the closet Diva Dee is helping remodel. Leslie doesn’t feel “wowed” by Dee’s paint color and cabinets, and deals a low blow when she lets Dee know the only reason she hired her is because she got word of her financial troubles
Dee: “Hey I don’t need your charity.”
Leslie: “Apparently you do.”
Then Dee tells Leslie she is firing her. Wait, what? Isn’t Leslie the client in this situation? Guess Dee is really just trying to live up to that Diva name on her business card.
After the closet fiasco, Cindy and Leslie converge at Victory Tavern to stare at their food. First things first, Cindy needs a glass of wine, and when the waiter isn’t there in 30 seconds she pulls out a flask and starts chugging. They talk about the closet drama and the dog birthday shenanigans, and then squeal like schoolgirls when they realize they love each other and are new BFFs. Cute.
Finally, it’s the last five minutes of the show so that means it’s time for the club’s Annual Texas BBQ. It’s weird how there’s always a blow out saved for the end, it’s like it’s scripted or something. Oh wait.
Whitney and Booger attend the Western theme party dressed as Native Americans because, “we just like to stand out, obviously.” Hey Whitney, I don’t think you two need feather headdresses to stand out at a country club.
Whitney confronts Kalyn about her prank and loses it.
“By the way, the whales called, they want your blubber back,” she shouts as she walks away.
What does that even mean?
Over by the bar, Cindy makes everyone cringe as she fawns over Bonnie’s husbands’ hair, sunglasses, and personality. Does anyone else think her cougar tendencies and blatant rudeness are getting a little old? We might have another Pam on our hands…
Next week it looks like we can look forward to Whitney calling Kalyn out for that lady part piercing and Kalyn retaliating with the toss of an ice bucket. Can’t wait!