Men are a mystery, aren’t they, ladies? What are they looking for, exactly? And why aren’t they buying what you’re selling? I mean, come on.

You’re the main character in What’s Your Number? Your name is Ally — doesn’t that just smack of being cute but not so overly feminine that you’re above spending a day watching Mexican wrestling on pay-per-view with your fella?

You’re a 30-something who’s just been fired from your vague, low-level “marketing” job, but you apparently come from a family affluent enough that you can continue to afford your spacious apartment in the center of Boston through months of unemployment. And you’re portrayed by Anna Faris, so you’ve clearly invested in yourself, surgically speaking.

You know you’ve got it going on. Why doesn’t he? Take our quiz to find out. (Highlight your answers.)

1) Your vegetarian boyfriend just dumped you rather than accept your invite to attend your sister’s wedding. What went wrong?

a) Even though I altered my own diet and agreed to all his favored positions when we were getting intimate, I wasn’t subservient enough.

b) Maybe he tired of my borderline alcoholism, my inability to stop drinking before I’ve reached full-on blackout stage.

c) It must be because he somehow has a sense that the number of men I’ve slept with in my life is twice the national average.

2) Upon being given the boot from your “marketing” position, it’s your first duty to consult ______ for guidance:

a) The “Help Wanted” ads

b) My contacts on LinkedIn

c) The latest issue of Marie Claire

3) Now that you’re unemployed in the midst of a troubled economy, your focus should be:

a) Determining my most marketable skills and reshaping my resume to suit the needs that employers value most.

b) Going back to school for an advanced degree that might allow me to make a career change.

c) Tracking down the 19 men (actually 18 men and “Julie from college”) with whom I’ve shared my bed, in the hopes that one of them will take me back and care for me the rest of my days.

4) After you’ve revisited all your weirdo exes and finally tracked down your billionaire former boyfriend who’s just returned from a project building wells in Africa on behalf of his family’s foundation, he’s bound to be bowled over by:

a) Umm…

b) Give me a minute.

c) Oh, well, there’s got to be something because he’s pretty quickly asking me to travel the world with him.

5) Obviously, meeting a man is your only possible path to being a success in life. Is there some other prospect you’re overlooking that might be lingering right under your nose?

a) The guy across the hall who sleeps with a different woman every night and then hides out in my apartment in the morning in order to sneak out on them and force them to make the walk of shame.

b) The same guy across the hall who looks damn good when he steps out his door naked each morning to grab his newspaper while covering nothing but his private bits.

c) Yeah, how about that guy? He doesn’t work because it would interfere with his career as a struggling musician, but he sure likes to mooch off me.

5) Yep, he’s the one we meant. The guy who starred in Captain America (Chris Evans). It’s pretty clear why he wants you, yeah?

a) He figures he can probably live off me the rest of his days, since I must be independently wealthy, what with my ability to continue affording my apartment and cross-country trips despite not having a job.

b) Since he’s been with more than 300 women in his life, and I’ve been with almost 20 guys, he figures we’re less likely than any other two people in the world to infect each other with unfamiliar diseases.

c) Who needs a constant buffet of model-quality sexual conquests when you can settle down with a nice ordinary girl like me, who has no sense of self-worth whatsoever.

6) Were someone to make a movie of all your “wacky” adventures in love, it’d best be described as:

a) A practically dystopian view of modern American society, in which people seem to exist merely to use or be used by others.

b) A story ostensibly about a woman learning to be proud of who she is, even though she’s really a pretty dreadful person.

c) Not nearly funny enough to redeem these other qualities.

d) Sorry, those are your only options.