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Bravo calls this week’s episode of Most Eligible Dallas, “Friendly as Fire Ants.” Nice try. We know the truth. It’s “See You Next Tuesday (Or Thursday if That’s More Convenient).” I obviously spelled it out because I don’t want to get fired, but yeah. Drew drops the “c” bomb. Tara cleans up poop. Matt fights Melinda Gates for the “Biggest Philanthropist” award. Let’s just get this over with.
This is, like, major. We’re not talking about Maje here, folks. We refer, of course, to “Elliott,” the adorable dog played by Emmy-nominated dog actor Spot. Elliott is undergoing “full on surgery” because he had “like, worms in his heart.” (Forgive the medical jargon.) Tara and Daylon are in the waiting room, holding vigil. Luckily, the major surgery goes well, and a few minutes later, Elliott bolts and hits all of his marks on his way out stage left.
I, literally, am exhausted by the sun. Glenn’s ex Rebecca is still in town, and from the looks of things (the back of her head, an exposed boob, and the chugging of Gatorade), the Bravo cameras busted in directly after a little game of Seven Minutes in Heaven on the rooftop. But it’s not all fun and games at the attic apartment. Glenn is troubled. He’s worried that someone is going to sweep Rebecca off her feet in San Francisco. He’s concerned that someone is going to “steal” her. He’s so confused that he forgets where he’s from. “Dallas guys are always true gentlemen,” he says. (He’s from Michigan, so unless he’s trying to set Rebecca up with a Dallas guy, we’re confused, too.) But he’s most perplexed by what happened on that roof. “Did I go from Caucasian to Hispanic to Black?” he asks.
Divulsion of the soul hasn’t happened. The Bravo producers clearly had a talk with Drew about his inability to effectively fight/create drama with Courtney. They sent him to the Bravo Boot Camp led by Jill Zarin. (She has plenty of time these days.) So when he arrives at the Post apartments for a little dinner party including Number One Gay Daylon, Court, and Tara, he surveys the room for a target. Does he make fun of the ridiculous shark jaw necklace that Court is rocking? Too easy. Does he tell Court that the side braid is over? Too mean. He opts to torture everyone with second-hand smoke. Insidious!
But he’s not done. While waxing on about wanting to tell an ex boyfriend that he still has feelings for him, the conversation “naturally” turns to the four-year, on-again, off-again relationship of Glenn and Rebecca. “There is a lot to that relationship,” Tara opines. (“There so is, babe,” Glenn tells Rebecca as they watch the show together. “I know, babe,” she answers.) But Courtney isn’t so sure. “I think it’s bull crap when people stay friends with their exes,” she says. Then she quotes the old adage, “You’re supposed to break up before summertime, not get in a relationship.”
Later, she gets really worked up, talking over everyone. “Four years! That’s long enough for a Leap year … Oh my God, I’m going to vomit,” she slurs. In fairness, the Chard might have been hurting her tummy, but Drew has had enough. “Shut up, and stop being a b*tch for a second, and let me finish,” he says.
After getting a high-five from the Bravo camera crew, he returns to the scene. Court is speaking. And speaking. And speaking. And speaking. And then Drew drops his bomb: “Okay, then why are you a two-faced C WORD?” But he doesn’t say “c-word,” guys. He says the real deal, deflating the hopes and dreams of the Bravo crew. They have to stop production and call Andy Cohen, who says, “He said WHAT?” Drew is then forced to apologize and leave directly (Intervention style) for another session at Bravo Boot Camp,
We’re gonna model, and our dogs are gonna model. Executive vice president of factories Tara has seen her business-lady duties expand. She’s now the executive in charge of removing poop from her mom’s Oriental rug. (I guess the maid quit after she was forced to cook for the dog in Episode One.) Once the doodie duty is dispensed with, she’s able to join special guest stars Angie Barrett, Gregg Asher, and Amber Venz in the parlour. In addition to (presumably) designing shark jaw necklaces, Amber has designed a line of jewelry for dogs. You know what that means! In the words of Kelly Kapoor: “Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!“Angie is excited that she and Grace Kelley will both be rocking pearls on the runway. Amber is just excited about being on-camera. Tara is excited about over-sharing about her weird relationship with her pup. “This is her Pretty Woman moment,” she says of her dog. “And I kind of think that makes me, like, Richard Gere.” And Gregg? What’s going on with Gregg? Is he sick this season? He doesn’t seem to be able to breathe with his mouth closed.
Hey, when I’m doing charity work, I could care less what anyone says, bro. Matt knows that there’s more to life than being a tan, busy businessman and lady killer. He wants to give back. He plans a little gathering to let the gang know how philanthropic and giving and benevolent and altruistic he is today. Tara is hopeful. “I think that if Matt’s passion for girls translates into charity, it’ll be really successful.” Court orders a Chard. Only Drew, back from camp, has reservations. He tells Matt that he’s getting daily calls from people who think that Matt is a d-bag and not really as philanthropic and giving and benevolent and altruistic as he’s telling people he is.
I have such mixed feelings about this double date. Matt suggests that he and Court go on a double date. No guys! Not as a couple! They’re saving that for the season finale! No, they will each bring a date—he’ll bring Neill, and Court can bring her South African friend Mark. Court has reservations but agrees.
You guys, how cute is Maje? He’s so cute. And wasn’t it great to see that, in addition to altruistic philanthropist, busy businessman, incredible athlete, tannest tanner, Matt can add “great with kids” to his resume? He dazzles Maje with great conversation like, “Is that your dinner table over there? Is that where you guys eat?” Maje rolls his eyes and asks Neill, “Really? The singing career is that important?” and storms out.
But Neill has made her deal with the devil and she’s already dressed in a stonewashed denim miniskirt, so the show must go on. She and Matt meet Courtney and Mark at Tillman’s Corner, wherein Matt drops so many names that many of the waiters are seriously injured while working the table. He’s best friends with Nelson Mandela’s grandson! He’s best friends with Jimmy Johnson! He never goes to NASCAR without a helicopter! He has a lake house!
Lending your name to something in Dallas is a big deal. Matt has set up a tasting in preparation for his charity debut. Clad in a child-size-small black t-shirt, he’s ready to “make a name” for himself in the Dallas charity world. Court for one is impressed. “I’ve never seen Matt be this charitable before,” she says. “That’s the part of Matt I’ve been waiting for forever.”
But Drew isn’t ready to write a check just yet. He asks Matt about how much time he has devoted to this cause. He questions Matt’s motives. He wonders if this sudden altruism is caused by a need to rehab his image. Ultimately, after some meditation, Drew says he can’t lend his name to this charade.
Philanthropist Matt reacts with dignity. “Fill up on some more wine if you like,” he tells Drew. The problem? Drew is in recovery, and this is the second time Matt has offered him a drink. And also the bar is closed. So it wasn’t a very nice thing to say.
There’s dogs everywhere. To show Drew up, philanthropist Matt gave all of his clothes to charity. How else to explain the reappearance of the child-size-small black t-shirt when he arrives at Angie Barrett’s apartment the next day? It’s the day of the “Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch,” and the apartment is crazy with jewelry, dog jewelry, people, and dogs.
Maybe it’s the energy in the apartment. Perhaps it’s the child-size-small black t-shirt. Could be how tense things get when Drew shows up. Who knows? Whatever it is, Matt starts to feel bad about the bad thing he did. He takes Drew aside and blames everything on his faulty memory. “Me not remembering and continuing to bring [drinking] up—even though I don’t mean to—is not right,” he says.
It’s Drew’s chance. He could destroy Matt right here. He could mock the lame apology. He could blast his lack of empathy. He could make fun of his philanthropic passing fancy. He could even say something snotty about how much his family gives to charities on a daily basis. It’s our chance to see if the boot camp has finally paid off.
“It would be like [me saying], ‘Hey, Matt, do you want to suck c*ck?’ ” he says.
Bravo execs are called once again, and Jill Zarin herself gets on a plane to round Drew up for a third stint at camp. Matt says, “Fair enough,” and walks away high-fiving himself.
I feel like I just shook the hand of Mother Theresa. Before the gang heads to the Granada for a concert, they pre-party in Glenn’s attic apartment. Courtney is particularly excited about the Chard. She’s also delighted to meet Rebecca, even though she was trashing her relationship only a few days before. “I feel like I should give her a high five or the Nobel Peace Prize, frankly,” Court says.
After a mad search for some pants—or even the dreadful stone-washed mini—Neill gives up and opts for a pair of nautical hot pants. Then she and Matt are off to the Granada to meet the gang for a super fun jam party. They drink. They dance. Some people kiss. Other people (like Courtney) pout and prepare for the upcoming “jealous jilted bestie” scene. And finally, the show is over—both the rock show and this terrible thing we’re watching—so it’s time for the Matt and Court segment of the hour.
Court: I want to go home.
Matt: Go home then.
Court: I am.
Matt: Obviously.
And that’s enough of all that. Now I’m off to go take a shower and read a book and try to undo some of the damage this show has done. I suggest you do the same.
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39 comments
This show so sucks, the cast is a joke the places and story lines do not depict Dallas well at all. Matt Nordgren staged this whole show and he looks like a fool for doing it, Tara is a sweetie but all the rest are horrific. The show promotes drinking, smoking , homosexuality and is in bad taste.
I watched last night for the first time for about 3.5 minutes. It was all I could stand. Good Lord, someone shoot these people!
This blog is the best part of the show!!!! I will not watch this train wreck anymore, but cannot wait to read the re-caps in your blog!
It promotes homosexuality? Really? No self-respecting gay man I know would want to be like Drew. That’s hardly a promotion.
Hi. Laura, your recaps are superb. They are the best things about MED.
I have a few questions for the viewers and bloggers of the show:
1) Do they realize how unsophisticated, uncultured, and uniltelligent they are? Or, is that not important with the “elite” in Dallas?
2) How old are these people really? Tara is supposedly my age. She looks 45, and Courtney doesn’t look a day under 35.
3) Why did they make this show so predictable and phony? This makes The Real Housewives Series look like 20/20.
4) Is anyone on the show self made? All I see is Drew, Matt, and Tara working for their parents. Courtney working at a sunglass store doesn’t constitute making it, to me. (I know one guy is a football player but that is athletic ability and not what I mean).
And now for some comments:
I like Drew and feel for him. But he was out of line regarding DIFFA. He wanted attention. Courtney wasn’t ignoring him or doing anything out of the ordinary. His behavior did not fit the situation. He was totally out of control at Daylon’s apartment. To her credit Courtney has been nice to Drew on both occasions when he attacked her.
Matt needs to spend some time in a North Korean Work Camp. He should get over himself. He is nice looking and has a decent body but he would be laughed at if he went to NYC acting like that, or even South Beach. He has nothing substantive to say, and can barely keep up a conversation with a fifth grader. He needs to get off his high horse.
Tara, oh what to say about Tara. She is pretty in a $85,000 worth of plastic surgery sort of way. She seems nice and compassionate. Her devotion to the charity is great, but it borders on insanity. Also, I don’t get these creepy old guys she goes for. It must be a self esteem thing.
I don’t get Neill. First off she looks 29 (and that is being nice). She says she never gets to go out but I have seen her out every other day since she moved back in these episodes. Also, how is she going to be a famous singer with a one year old? She’s one hell of a mom, y’all. Don’t forget that!
Courtney is probably a good person deep down. But Courtney what you don’t get (should you read this) is that your bitterness and desperation is overwhelming. You will not find a man unless you do a 180 with your personality. And stop trying too hard with Matt. You are making a fool of yourself in front of thousands of people. By the time Matt is suitable to date, you will be in a nursing home.
That is all….
Am I the only one who thinks Courtney is a horse face? She need to get over herself and her unwashed hair and needs to go back to selling sunglasses and Sunglass Hut! I am embarrassed as a Dallasite that this is how Bravo is portraying people. They couldn’t they cast people who can speak english correctly?
FYI no one except Matt owns property not even Drew. Not that I’m a Matt fan—I think he’s a total douche bag with herpes—but what do I know. This show should be called Most Ineligible Dallas.
I want to know exactly where these people are in Dallas so I can completely avoid any chance meetings with them. Talk about emotional pygmies! I hope they stay eligible so as not to infect the gene pool any further. And I must agree….none of the gay men I’ve ever met have ever been so annoying. And now Top Chef is coming to Texas….what will THEY do to us? They’ve already got Tom Colicchio in a weird plaid shirt! WTF?
Jenny O (previous commenter) hit the nail on the head
Guys,
It’s a reality show not a documentary. Enjoy it for what it is and maybe it’s not 20/20 employing Dallas crew, but these reality shows are.
You people are so sick, you think I care what you think , good press is press bad press is press, none of you are getting any press. I would like to make something perfectly clear and that is none of you will tear me and this cast down, this show was my dream and I am making it happen/ bravo . The fact I have a child out of wedlock or have been romantically invoved with Drew and Glenn is not going to hurt me either. Simply put I am Hollywood bound while all of you can envy and stir in your boots in Texas. FYI I am worshipped by women around the country and clubs/ companies are giving me job offers daily so who looks stuid after all >
Tell em Matty! Ya’ll can eat dirt for all we care! Next stop for us – Housewives of Hollywood! HA! Did you think we had no pull/ bravo. Well we do. We got you to watch us! We will just keep making the public fall into our plans! While you’re still stuck in DFW traffic…Matty is almost finished with the heli-port on his roof so we’ll be blowin’ past all of you! Look up and wave!
Um, you can’t build a heliport on your roof because you live in $250,000 thousand house that ‘s 2200 sq ft, dumb ass! AND the neighborhood you live in won’t let you because of zero lot codes! Anyway, you live north of Northwest Highway so SUCK IT!
People are yall that envious of my masculinity and popularity, yall can ***& me all your doing is talking aout making me even more of a household name. As for you man haters out there I need nothing I know everyone now. Kirby Schlegal and Blake Andrews are personal friends of mine locally and my list of La insiders would knock your doors down. As for me using my parents house for scenes and their vehicles I am not ashamed I am closing on a 2.6 million dollar pad in a week so digest that folkst. I have exceed everyones expectations and been included in many of your wildest dreams so whatever you do please dont hate. Also in person lets banter, and get the air out I am not shy and while I dont have a security team with me just yet you better talk to me while you still can, you wanna bees…
god, please get Angie Barrett out of this town, I can’t believe she is still using the Barrett name, she is as about as trashy as this show
This is so awesome. Laura… You rock. I have been laughing all day. Love love love the recap.
Angie b,Agn wish they could be associated with us but they r terrible and both living lies
Why, oh why, has no one mentioned that ear-piercing rap song that came on for no reason in the middle of this episode? It does not a good soundtrack make. Also, maybe the whole gang can come together, and create a charity for the spineless. Cindy Brady…umm, I mean Drew Ginsburg should be their first candidate. I know that they taught him a lot at acting class (such as the “genuine surprise” face he told me about during filming), but they should’ve taught him to be less of a victim, and more of a victor. Enough with the self-deprecation!
Go watch 10 mins of Jersey Shore and flip back and watch this. It will feel more like Masterpiece Theater… Promise.
Tragic
Court, you are such a mess, dry out
Matt, your heels are so high, you walk like a street worker
Angie, it looks painful
Glenn, cute for a player
Neill, 20′s, really
Tara, too orange, and work on those roots
Drew, I love Mr Buddons, stop smoking and cut the drama
These wrap ups are amazing and allow me to completely skip watching while still staying updated with this dumpster of a show.
Laura thanks for the great recaps – love them! @Kah7311 I also stopped watching in favor of Laura’s Reviews. Looks as though we aren’t the only ones. Neilsen Ratings show a continual major drop in viewers. Week before last had 910,000 viewers – last week dropped to 806,000 and this week dropped to 709,000. “Hollywood here we come” – I think not. As a Dallasite I’m embarrassed for us by some of the comments here. But, the comments on Bravo Andy Cohen’s Facebook Page people think Dallasites are a bunch of Hillbilly F*%ks.
I can’t believe you people actually take this series seriously. Are these people really living in reality and if so whose?
Thufferin’ thuckatath – those electronic thigarettes must thkwooo your mouth up!
Again, Kostelny delivers the best read of the week. Hanging on by a thread waiting for next week’s read.
You lonely saps, please realize I have it made now and all of you are still talking about me and my crew…
What makes me kind of sad is that actually may be Matt N. posting on this thread.
Apparently Matt showed up to his high school reunion last weekend with Taylor Armstrong from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills—the one where her husband just committed suicide. Anyway, they were apparently making out sloppy style all night and he even had a body guard. Sadly, no cameras were there so we will not be able to witness this train wreck second hand.
does Bravo not know that Angie Barrett was stealing furs from Neiman Marcus before Mr. Barrett had a stroke and married her? Why is she on this show? To demoralize the whole city. I suppose next it will be her two ugly, evil step daughters getting ready for the parolee ball, that’ s how low Bravo goes
Quit being haters you people seem to have nothing to do, my agent and crew and I are basking in all this glory…. As for Angie we have to keep the mood changing all the time on the set so we chose something a little washed up with a little bit of a rep here in town.
Drew is very sweet but seems to have some anger issues. Tara is a doll but needs to change the color of her spray tan. She’s going Oompah Loompah. Courtney needs to stop making a fool of herself and bathing in Chardonnay. Glenn is a sweet goofball. Neill is a piece of work and is only hanging with Matt to annoy Court. Matt is a narcissist with a sham of a charity. Do something worthwhile like Greg Johnson does. Matt is just rude and is into self promotion. Matty, if you want some tips on marketing your brand, you know how to reach me. Tara has good intentions but no one takes her seriously. Courtney, your hair always looks dirty and your makeup looks like you put it on in 1990. Gregg Asher; just go away. You’re not getting a show. Angie, you look and sound ridiculous. All of you need to stop making MY city look bad! Just another reason to hate the Cowgirls. Tara, you know Jody has been after me for years and you’re just publicity for him. It’s time to get REAL!
G N you are sick and your checkered past and opinions ar hurting no one but you, I say we meet next week for lunch and do some image consulting and assistance for you. Sugar daddy lover waitress done okay..
Did anyone catch what Courtney did at the tasting? The shot was not on her, but the waiter had finished filling her glass of Chard and she appeared to whisper to the waiter for more.
A black dog named Sheniqua? Aren’t we funny little sly racists!!!! Nice job Big D.
Will NEVER watch this “show.” I’m not surprised about the dog’s name. There are a lot of racist people in Big D.
Gina your so called show and you will amount to nothing.
Facts:
1) Matt has no money of his own and lives off his parents and the coat tails of people like Tim Headington
2) Drew’s dad paid for the show to be on TV!!! Bravo would never have put it on otherwise.
3) The women are some of the worst looking in all of Dallas
4) Matt has a baby he does not even take care of!
5) Matt’s so call friends Kirby and Blake are trust fund drunks with no business success at all!
6) At least 98 % of Dallas metro residents hate the show and what it depicts Dallas people to be like!
7) Tiger has a better chance of remarrying his ex than any of these fools having success in Hollywood!
Facts
I am a ex NFL athlete
I have a collegiate National championship
I have worked for a huge sports agent firm and with Kirby as you say also, and both worship me.
I can have any gal I want.
Drews father Scott paid for nothing , he is a pot head and a total loser in the cities eyes. His wife is a billionaire hopper.
I have 2 kids so be careful with your statements, and I do more than enough financially for them.
Headington has been a good friend and a nice feather in my cap boy do you seem jealous.
Your accusations and fake profile are enlightening, lets meet chat and see who has done what sean. Or did you get one of your little secretaries hot young assistants to write this. Get Real.
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